To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special “No Excuse Sunday”.

 

• Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, “Sunday is my only day to sleep in.” 

 

• There will be a special section with lounge chairs who feel that our pews are too hard. 

 

• Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching T.V. late Saturday night. 

 

• We will have steel helmets for those who say ” The roof would cave in if I ever came to church.” 

 

• Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot. 

 

• Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.

 

• Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner, too. 

 

• We will distribute “Stamp Out Stewardship” buttons for those who feel that church is always asking for money.

 

• One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

 

• Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.

 

• The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.

 

• We will provide hearing aids for those who can’t hear the preacher and cotton for those who say he is too loud.